Thinking about the beginning.....
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| 3 days old |
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| 10 days old |
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| one month |
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| two months |
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| three months |
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| three months |
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| four months |
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| four months |
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| five months |
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| five months |
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| six months |
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| six months |
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| seven months |
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| seven months |
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How in the world did I go from this....
......to this so quickly???
I've been thinking a lot lately about the past seven (almost eight?!) months and how they have been SOOO different than any of my life since Elliot has joined our family.
About how things that once seemed so important don't matter anymore, and things that were once not as important are suddenly a huge priority.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately as little miss has become mobile and her little personality shines through more and more each day.... Soon, Ellie will be walking. And soon after that, Ellie will be talking. It's only a matter of time before she's off to college and married (when she's thirty).
In only a few short months, Ellie will be one. And things are going to start changing. Right now, parenting consists of playing with her, putting her to bed, feeding her, changing her bum - essentially keeping her alive and comfortable while loving and kissing her to death in a safe place to call home. And yes - all of those things are going to continue to be a part of being her mom for several more months (and into forever). But as she gets older and learns to do things for herself - I'll be doing less bum changing and more teaching and leading by example. And that scares the crap out of me.
Parenting is a huge responsibility. As a girl - I can't count how many times I've been "baby hungry". (Heck, I still get baby hungry anytime I lay my eyes on a new babe or see a pregnant mama.) But how often is it when we are baby hungry that we think of what comes AFTER baby?? For me?? Pretty much never. I never thought about what it takes to be a mom after baby starts to grow up. Changing poopy diapers? Piece of cake. Teaching Ellie how to be a good, honest, loving, hard working person? Ohhhh man. That terrifies me.
I guess I'm human. I'm sure all new mothers have felt this way. I'm sure there are mommy pros out there with eight kids at home and two in college who feel this way.
A few days ago, I got a phone call from my dad while at work. He was driving home from hunting in Idaho, and was listening to a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. (LOVE Elder Holland.) It's an older talk - from 1997. And it's called "Because She Is a Mother." While driving home, my dad suddenly got the impression to call me, and tell me to listen to this talk. How did my dad know I've been struggling with feeling completely unprepared and inadequate when it comes to this mommy business? Here's a part of that talk that I wanted to share....
"In light of that kind of expression, it is clear that some of those
Rhode Island–sized shadows come not just from diapers and carpooling but
from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking
earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants
them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say
to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent.
You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given
such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father
in Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does
not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and
your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if
you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit
promised to the faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and
claim the promises of the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make
in this world; if you will show others, including your children, the
same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you;
if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have
done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
I love tender mercies. I love how the Lord answers our prayers - often through others. I love how the Lord acknowledged my feelings of inadequacy, my doubts and fears and spoke to me through his Apostle and again though my dad.
And I love how the Lord let me know it's going to be okay if I do my best.
Church is true folks. :)
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