40 Days....

We have 40 days to go, assuming little miss comes on time. 

We may meet her a few days sooner, or a few days later, but wow. 
It feels like just yesterday I took that pregnancy test.   

The third trimester of pregnancy is definitely my least favorite.  Right now I am so uncomfortable and exhausted.  My back feels like it is going to snap in half.  People keep telling me that I'm tiny, but I don't feel tiny.  I honestly have no idea how my belly can get any bigger.  Baby girl sits so high, heartburn makes me miserable.  If I eat too much, I throw up.  At night, getting comfortable is pretty much impossible.  If I get more than three hours of sleep, I'm doing great. I'm lucky I haven't suffered a broken rib yet.  If this baby isn't an athlete or a dancer when she gets bigger,  I'm going to be seriously surprised. 

(**DISCLAIMER:  I know there are so many women out there who would kill to get pregnant, and who read this and probably want to punch me in the face.  I do not write this for sympathy or to complain.  I write this so I can remember what these last few weeks of pregnancy are/were like.  I am in no way ungrateful for the gift of motherhood I have been blessed with.  If you know me, you know I am honest and I don't like to sugarcoat things.  This is me being honest.  The last trimester of pregnancy is tough, and I have a whole new respect for women and what their bodies are capable of.**)

As much as I want this baby out of me for entirely selfish reasons (such as "I can't wait to be able to see my feet again!" and "I can't wait to sleep on my back!"), she needs to stay inside for a few more weeks.  The most obvious reason being she is not done cooking.  When she decides to finally make her big debut I want her to be as healthy as possible.  BUT, I find that the reasons I want her to stay inside are also, entirely selfish.  I'm the only one who feels her every single day.  (Dad gets to feel her too if he's lucky.)  I feel every kick, every squirm, every hiccup (every night at 9:30).  These are precious moments that are just mine and hers. I'm the only thing between my little girl and the big bad world, and with every day that passes and each day I read the news, the more I want her to stay put where I know she will be safe and I can protect her.  I feel like I know her, and I feel like she knows me.  Pretty soon, she's going to know grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles and friends...and while I can't wait to share her and let others that I care about love her, in some sick, twisted way I am going to miss being pregnant.  I'm going to miss it being just me and her.  The second reason baby girl needs to stay inside just a little longer is so I can enjoy what's going to be the last few weeks of it being just being Clay and I.  I know life is going to be different when our daughter arrives, but I don't know HOW it's going to be different.  (Sure, I have a few ideas.)  Every night when I (attempt) to go to bed, my mind wanders.  Clay and I have been together for two years, though it feels like much longer.  It may seem silly, but when I think back it's hard to remember life before I met him.  It feels like it's ALWAYS been just the two of us, doing our best and trekking along, making memories and having the best time doing it.  Pretty soon, it's going to be me... and him... and her.  Three of us.  And I know that once that time comes, I'm not going to wish it to be any other way.  But right now, I want to enjoy OUR time, our last few, true moments of "alone" time that are slowly running out. 

The third reason this baby needs to stay put is my sister, who I love so so much, has decided to pick the absolute worst time to marry her sweetheart.... two weeks-ish before my due date on May 16th.  Thanks Whit!  This baby is welcome to come May 17th and after.  But if she decides to come May 9th - May 16th, I may ground her for life. 

I had two baby showers in the last few weeks where so many generous gifts were given by friends and family that have made getting ready for baby so much easier and less frightening, and for that I am SO grateful.  The nursery is almost ready.  It's just the details now.  Clay took his last final yesterday, so now he is MINE.  :)  The last few things we have to get done to be PHYSICALLY ready for our daughter should hopefully be cake now.  I don't think either of us will be 100% EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY ready for her to be here.  This little angel is the biggest responsibility Clay and I will ever have, and I would be lying if I said we weren't scared to death.  In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we read that “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”  No big deal, right?  Wrong.  Huge responsibility. One Clay and I won't be able to do without the Lord's help.  Knowing that He will be there to help us and guide us as long as we are worthy, as long as we ask and as long as we allow His hand in our lives is what's getting us through and will continue to get us through when we are finally holding our daughter in our arms. 

I know without a shadow of a doubt that this little girl is supposed to be here and that she belongs to our family.  I can't wait to meet her.  I can't wait to see her daddy hold her for the first time.  I can't wait to see my husband give her a name and a blessing.  I can't wait to be sealed to my sweetheart and my baby girl for time and all eternity. 

The next few weeks are going to be nothing short of amazing, and I am feeling pretty blessed - minus... the not sleeping.  :)