Happy Anniversary

I can't believe it's been two years since I married my handsome boy. 

It feels like just yesterday we threw our wedding together and said "I do".

The day we got married - at the Bountiful temple after an endowment session with our family and friends. 

This anniversary is kind of a big deal for me personally.  By this time in my first marriage, it had completely fallen apart.  Less than a month after my first husband and I "celebrated" our second anniversary, divorce papers were (very mutually) signed.  For me - making it to this point with Clay happily and with both of us alive is a huge deal.  Haha.

The first year of Clay and I's marriage was very, very difficult.  He and I were thrown into situations that were less than ideal for a newly married couple who (crazily, I'll admit) had decided to commit their lives to each other after only 44 days of dating. (To be fair, we met in January of 2011, started dating in April of 2011 and dated 5-6 months before we got married.  Anyways....) 

My first marriage left me broken in half.  A failed engagement after my first marriage left me shattered.  Let's just say, my faith in men?  Non-existent.  During this time Clay and I had an English class together, and I drooled over him all semester.  The last week of class - he asked me out.  I remember telling him on our first date that I was not looking for a serious relationship - let alone marriage.  Clay said the same.  However, a few days later, we were inseparable.  A few weeks after that, he and I were standing in a furniture store, looking at furniture. And suddenly, we looked at each other and we knew.  "We're supposed to get married."  I don't remember who said it first.  But we agreed.  A few weeks later, we were officially engaged. 

Are you kidding me? On our first date, we BOTH said that marriage was the LAST thing we wanted. I was so mad at myself!  Engaged after 44 days? I'm a crazy person!! There were several times I asked myself what the hell I was doing.  But every time I doubted that I was making the right decision, that still small voice that you learn about in Primary made it clear as day : you are supposed to marry this boy.  At this time in my life, my relationship with the Lord was the strongest it had ever been.  After all I had been through, I leaned on Him more than ever and had learned to trust that He knew what was best for me.  The Lord knew Clayton was exactly what I needed.  And he confirmed that to me time and time and time again, as much as I tried to deny it.  I remember an argument I had with my mom shortly after he and I were engaged.  She seriously thought I was nuts.  "You're marrying a boy that you barely know!" I remember telling her something along the lines of "Mom, I know that what I'm doing is right.  The Lord has told me that this is what I'm supposed to do."  I remember saying that to her, but thinking in my head "She's right! I am nuts!  This is crazy!  Lord, I'm REALLY trusting you here."  (She's very happy now that we are together and loves my Mr..)

We got married on my 24th birthday.  It was a big party and a lot of fun. 

Then reality hit.  And it hit hard.  I won't go into specifics of the trials Clay and I faced - that's for he and I to know.  But I had to very quickly remind myself over and over and over that it had been confirmed to me by a higher power time and time again that this was what I was supposed to be doing and who I was supposed to be doing it with.

I look back on that first year of marriage now, and realize I NEEDED it to suck.  What?!?  Sounds crazy, I know.  But, let me explain.  I had zero faith in men/love/marriage/all of the above.  I dove into a marriage with a guy I didn't know that well (let's be honest here) because my God in Heaven and my gut told me to. And that first year was filled with trial after trial after trial.  Trials that I know have ended the marriages of others.  But those trials didn't end ours.  We grew together, we loved each other, and we made it.  Those trials proved to me that marriage could work, that two imperfect people could love each other perfectly, that forgiveness was real and hard work pays off.  That men CAN be faithful.  That crappy first year proved to me that Clay and I are supposed to be together and he and I can make it through ANYTHING. Marriage can be great and it can work.  I learned more during that first year of marriage than I ever thought I could.

That big guy upstairs.... man.  He knows EXACTLY what He is doing. 

Year TWO has been soooo much better than year one.  Of course it's had it's ups and downs.  But it's definitely had more ups than downs.  Being at the place we are in our marriage right now means the world to me.  It's not a perfect marriage.  There is no such thing.  But we aren't signing divorce papers any time soon.  And that means more to me than anyone will EVER know. 

Clayton - can you believe it's been two years?  I can't. 

Can you believe we became parents in our second year of marriage to that adorable little "turd on legs"?  I can't. 

Can you believe we are still crazy about each other?  I can. 

I love you sweetheart.  Can't wait to see where year 3 takes us.